Of Dreams and Other Interests

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About Azrael

Harley had to run for her life that night. That vendor had it coming to him though, treating the animals the way he did. Most of the people of the city’s black market were too confused to react as a set of wolves, some exotic birds and a couple of monkeys were released from their cages and left to their devices. The mother wolf attacked the vendor and bit his face off. Good riddance, Harley had thought.
Now she was making her way back to the Boar’s Best Inn with three wolf puppies (the mother had been shot) and an egg she had picked up from the stand as well. She felt like there were probably a lot of people on her trail, but the streets behind remained empty.

Finally she reached the inn, it was mostly empty now. The Princess wrapped the wolf puppies in her cloak, and hurried on inside to the room she rented here with her friend.
As she slammed the door shut behind her back, she caught eye of the bedroom… that was in complete ruin.
“AZRAEL!”
She put the wolf puppies down and secured the egg before she looked for the baby lynx. He was huddled under the bed. The sheets were torn up and a part of them was soaked in urine.
The wolf pups caught the scent of the feline under the bed, and softly howled at it. Harley threw her hands in the air: “Will you just shut up!”

Harley had only gotten Azrael from that same black market earlier that day. He was way too young to be without a mother, and the other animals weren’t in very good shape either. Though she paid for the baby lynx, she decided to go back later to release the other animals. And this is what she had ended up with. One dead wolf, monkeys and birds loose in the city, and a set of wolf babies next to the young lynx. It was quite the mess.

A few days later, and Harley was back at the Castle with her small petting zoo. She decided to leave the wolf pups in the care of Gerrit, as he is the Prince of Wolves after all. He would know how to take care of them best. Harley was too busy with Azrael to really be able to take care of any other animals anyway. The young lynx was quite the handful. He was still nursing, and Harley had to teach him other things that baby lynxes had to learn.
Safe’s to say, the bed sheets were ripped up quite a few more times.

Azrael was growing fast and Harley tried hard to teach him how to hunt. Their main target had become mice. But one thing was hard for the Princess, and that was that she wished she could communicate with her lynx a little better. She was more used to dogs when it came to animals, and the King didn’t always have time to help her with her growing up feline.

Her desire to be able to speak to Azrael grew bigger and bigger. He was catching his own mice now too! So, she traveled back to the city of Cheal’Nic, where she was sure to find a solution to her problem.
It should be mentioned that Cheal’Nic is the largest city in the Kingdom, and people are no stranger to magic here. If you were to compare this place to an Other World city (as we like to call it here in the Kingdom) you might say it is our world’s New York.
Cheal’Nic is a place of opportunity, a city where you can find it all (and lose it too), a place where dreams can come true! (It’s true, the biggest toy store in town, Dib’s Whizzles and Fizzlings often sells life-size Kip plush toys. Now who wouldn’t want one of those!?)

So, the Princess returned to the Boar’s Best Inn, her number one place to stay in the city, and made her way to the Magic Emporium. She had often come here, if only to meet up with her friend Steve, who worked here. He was brushing the dust off his bright blue employee robes as Harley walked in with Azrael in her arms.
Taken aback for a moment, he greeted her, making sure to keep his fingers far away from the big paws of the feline.

“What can I do for you today Harley?”
“Can you make him talk?”
“Wh.. make who talk?”
“Azrael!” she held the lynx out to him, who yelped.
“Uhm… I guess so?” he pulled his notepad out of his pocket and flipped through it. “I’m sure we have spells for that… We’d have to enchant something with it though… perhaps a collar?”
Azrael had been wearing a simple collar that Harley had meant to replace anyway.
“Perfect! If I get a collar will you guys be able to enchant it so I can communicate with him?”
“S-sure…” Steve was always a little overwhelmed by Harley’s enthusiasm.

The following day she returned to the Magic Emporium, after having a fine leather collar crafted by one of her friends in the marketplace. The Dwarves in the back of the Emporium worked their magic on the collar.

And that’s when the floodgates opened.

Azrael was a little shy at first. Nor did he know very many words. But the young lynx picked it up left and right on their travels. His flood of words ranged from “Mommy mommy mommy!” to Harley, to babbling about mice, to expressing when he had to go poop or when he was hungry. Until the first day he said ‘shit’.

“Azrael! We don’t say that, it’s a bad word,” Harley had said.
“But you say it too,” replied the young lynx.
“Well… yes… but it’s bad, okay? Next time, just say… say poopie!” the Princess was at a loss for words, saying the first thing that came to mind.
Azrael tilted his head  bit while staring at Harley.
“Okay! Poopie, poopie, poopie, poopie!”

Little did Harley know, this word would stick to Azrael forever.

Mini Sagas on Regnum Mei Characters

Mini sagas are short, 50-word stories. I’ve written these short descriptions about some of my Guardians. These are members of the court of my Kingdom, Regnum Mei. This for my writing challenge, and also to show a brief glimpse of some of my characters.

He blinks his one eye before the other one. No one knows where he came from. Usually he’s just sprawled out in front of a fire, asleep. But he’s a great laugh, and will make sure to make you smile! With thick purple and green fur, his name is Kip.

Vampires come in all shapes and sizes. Roux might be a stereotype, perhaps an archetype when it comes to them. Always dressed to impress, it’s almost not apparent that his skin is eerily white. But perhaps it’s his wit and charm that make you forget that he suffers from bloodlust.

Xain is no easy one to explain. Created from a combination of bloods, he assists the Dreamcatcher Fallon to ward away the Nightmares. Armed with sword and whip, he is an impressive sight. But he is shy, and sometimes a little childish. No wonder, as he’s only six years old.

Storm Crows are not the easiest birds to deal with. Luckily Corvine lives in the Castle. Away from the Crowfolk, he tends to the birds and other animals. Like most of his people, his hair is in long dreads, and he decorates it with Storm Crow feathers. A worthy companion.

A soft purr and flick of his tail, Shix is a proud member of the catfolk. He used to wear a bell around his neck before he became a warrior. Now he fights proudly with his spear and shield. But keeping his fur in tiptop shape sometimes leads to hairballs.

You’ll feel her dagger pressed against your back before you hear her. Miss Fera is a ruthless assassin from the Wood Elves. But she rarely gets blood on her blades anymore, as she functions as personal bodyguard to the King now. Still, she is as deadly as she is beautiful.

Steampunk is her nickname, going by Eisa to anyone but her peers. A stout Dwarven gal, her inventions tend to have an explosive taste to them. As a little girl, she spent many hours deep in the Mountain of Vaults. She knows those mountains like the back of her hand.

A Little Parody on Plot

“My friends, I have called you here because I have a problem,” announced the King as he sat down at the round table. The court had been summoned and most had shown up for the meeting. Some of them looked confused, while others eyed slightly worried.
“A problem,” asked Gerrit, the Prince of Wolves. “It must be pretty big if you called all of us here.”
The other Guardians nodded in agreement.
“Well, it is pretty serious indeed,” replied the King, pulling a hand through his hair.
“Cut to the case then!”
“Hear hear!”
“My friends, I can’t tell our stories anymore,” announced Flo, as he slumped in his chair, “I simply don’t have the words anymore.”
Murmurs and whispers crossed the table. It was such an odd announcement, one the court had certainly not seen coming.
“What do you mean, you don’t have the words?” asked Roux softly.
“I had figured that you as a writer yourself would understand! I’ve no way of telling our stories! I don’t know where to start, or where to end!” exclaimed the King.
“Just start at the beginning?” suggested Shix with a flick of his tail.
“Yes, but that isn’t very exciting, is it?”
“No, besides, I’ve tried that. The Creation Story isn’t the best to start with. Next to that we’ve so many stories and people within them, I might as well write a storybook!”
“Good! I can be the dashing villain!” Gerrit jumped up from his chair and struck a pose.
Laughter came across the table.
“We’re the good guys, remember?”
“Fine, I can always be the Lancelot in this story.”
“And run off with my princess? I think not!”
“Besides, not everything is about you Gerrit,” spoke Eisa, a female Dwarf. “You’ve been in many stories, perhaps Flo is looking for something else.”
Gerrit sat back down again and crossed his arms.
“Well, let’s break down the problem, shall we?” a voice spoke from the shadows. A man in a long coat, sporting a beard had entered the room unnoticed.
“Glad you could join us, Janus,” said the King. The man only replied to this remark with a simple nod and smile.
“Do you have your setting?” he then asked matter-of-factly.
“Naturally,” the King held up his hand as if to notion the whole world around him.
“What of your characters?”
“Equally,” Flo looked at the companions around him.
“Now… do you have a plot?”
A silence spread across the table. The King looked at his guardians, as if the find an answer.
“I guess… not.”
Murmur arose again.
“A plot! We need a plot!” Florian thumped his fist on the table.
“Well,” Janus had sat down, putting the tips of his fingers to each other, “it seems we’ve found our main issue. Now what are we going to do about this?”
Some of the Guardians shrugged, others furrowed their brows as they thought of a solution.
“I don’t know,” said the King, looking at his godfather hopefully.
Janus didn’t notice this for a moment.
“Hm? Oh, I haven’t the slightest idea either. I’m pretty stuck writing too.”
The court groaned, hoping a solution would’ve come to them easily.

“Guess we’ll just have to keep on hunting…”

A Month of Change

As I already posted on my facebook page, the coming month is a month of change for me.
As we’re counting down the last month before Harley will be back in the Netherlands for the 3rd summer in a row, I’m challenging myself to do some things differently this month.
One of those is that I am going to attempt to write something every day. I will write new things, or continue old projects.

I will be making daily posts on my blog, right here, to track my process.

I want to focus on writing things relevant to my novel and my Dream World. I will try to post most of it, unless I think it’s absolute crap, not of importance, too personal, or unfinished.

With that said, today I wrote about 300 words on a little parody story. It’s not finished yet, so I’ll likely continue on it later this week. But, I did make progress, and that’s what this month of change is all about.

So, stay tuned for actual stories and poems and whatnot!

- F

April Fool

Today I turned 23 years old. It doesn’t feel very different to be honest. It’s also not like I celebrated my birthday in any special way. I’m just having my favorite things today. Favorite drinks, favorite foods, and my favorite company: my girlfriend.

I received a lot of happy birthday messages, some even from people I didn’t expect it from. But what matters to me is that at least for a moment today, my friends thought of me.

I have a whole new year ahead of me to do things with, now a year older and wiser and more experienced. A lot of things have happened again in one year, and a lot of things have changed about me again. All in all, I’m forever trying to improve myself in any way, and with every year I just get a step closer to being the person I want to be.

I hope that in the coming year I can tell more people about certain personal issues. I can’t sit on the sidelines all the time and wait for them to ask me or to figure it out on their own. But it’s scary to tell people big and new things, and it’s intimidating in a sense. Nevertheless, I can’t keep complaining about people not seeing me the way I really am, if I never really show them.

And yet I feel I’m an open book about this particular thing…

Anyway, as I sit here eating my Poor Man’s Pizza, and watch my rats play, I can’t help but admit I have a pretty good life, I just sometimes can’t stand living in it.

What I wish for this year is inspiration and success. I want inspiration to continue writing and to actually make something significant again, and I want success at writing and success in school.

I will not actually be celebrating my birthday until later this year, when Harley will be back in the Netherlands. I would just like to sort of have a birthday where she is present.

I want to thank everyone for their birthday wishes, and hope that you had as much of a wonderful day as I did.

- the King

Anniversary of Love

People are in relationships for so many reasons. They can be in a relationship because the sex is really good. Women choose men for their money, their looks, the things they do in life. Men choose women for their looks and their exceptional skills. There are so many reasons for people to have a relationship.

Yet people seem to forget the most important one sometimes.

And that’s love.

I’m in love. I have been in love for the past three years, and today I celebrate that I have a beautiful girl by my side (although we’re about 3600 miles apart).

People often ask me whether it’s hard to be in a relationship like this. Of course it’s hard! When you spend about 9 to 10 months out of the year apart, while usually you could maybe see eachother every day… why do people think that’s not hard?
I would tell anyone not to start up a long-distance, while I feel I am a prime example of how it could work.

But that’s the thing. Harley and I got extremely lucky.

And we didn’t even know that from the start.

Let me paint you a picture…

Harley and I started off our relationship in January 2009, and we had never met eachother. I started plotting a trip to see her in February (about two, three weeks into our relationship). It wasn’t until May that we finally got to see eachother, and May 16th I got to kiss her for the first time (baby, correct me if I’m wrong).

When we met, I immediately knew. People always talk about that spark, that chemistry, that feeling that you just know. I feel it’s true, and I’m one who doesn’t believe in love at first sight.
I could name so many clichés here, about how we matched, but I don’t think I need to spill any words on that. Anyone who’s seen us together could confirm that she is the one who makes my life rock.

I could not ask for someone who could support me any more than she does. We make eachother laugh, we amaze eachother and we miss eachother every day… This is the girl I would do pretty much anything for (sorry baby, I am not juggling snakes!), and I think I’ve proven that again and again. And I want to keep doing that for as long as I can.

Correct me if I’m wrong… but I believe that is love.

I love you Harley. Now come back here!

- Flo

The End of 2011

Welcome everyone, to my end of the year rant! To those who are new to this: almost every year since I have kept a blog I’ve written an end of the year post. This blog is fairly new, and all my old years are over on my LiveJournal that has been abandoned. But you can find last year’s on here as well.

And we’re looking at what I was hoping for in 2011 to happen when I wrote last year’s blog!

What I hoped to have in 2011:
- More time with Harley (This worked out! As she was over here for 2 months instead of one month)
- Visiting the United States and Ireland again (Yeah right, didn’t happen)
- Successfully finish my first year in University (Also didn’t happen)
- A financial break (I guess you can say this happened)
- More time to focus on writing (Yes and no)

So, quickly looking at the significant things that happened this year (in chronological order):
- Celebrated 2 year anniversary with Harley
- Quit University (again) after my depression hit me really hard again
- Got my PS3
- Having plenty of time with Harley here (but never enough)
- Started at college to become an English Teacher
- Got rats!
- Started Vlogging!

I think those are the most important things right now. A lot has happened again this year, and I have to say, some of my memories are fuzzy. I can say that there was a financial break, because I haven’t really whined about money in a long time. Phone bills have been low (for my doing), and technically I’m quite ok in the financial department, which is good.

What I hope to have in 2012 (in no particular order):
- Again plenty of time with Harley
- Successfully finish my year in College
- Be able to plan everything better
- Continue with my Vlogs and have lots of fun!
- Find the time and space to write
- Be able to show people the true me

Simple wishes, I know. But certain things seem hard to accomplish. I don’t really keep New Year’s resolutions. I just express hopes and things I will try to work on.
But yes, I should say a little more about this year. I think I’ve had a better year in a sense, but a lot has changed again and depression is always in the back of my mind. Some people don’t know how I struggle every day, with many internal issues of which some I don’t even dare speak.

A lot is wrong in this world, but I am only one person and I know I can do very little to save our planet. The only thing I can do is make my life, and the lives of the people I come in contact with, as good as it can get. Vlogging has been a great way for me to reach out and have fun and share it with you guys.

And, as always, I have something to say to specific people in my life!

Harley, my love, my girl. I barely need to say anything about you to have my point come across. I love you, and I hope that next year we’ll have more time, once again. I need you in my life every day (as needy as that sounds), but it’s because with you, I am on my best, and I am the true me, and you know that. On to another year, my love!

Janus, my Godfather. You’re always on this list because you’re my support and my rock in the ocean. I don’t even think we saw each other all that much this year, but I know that you walk beside me in all my steps. You’re one of the most important men in my life, and you know that. See you soon!

Herman (and Dee and Nikita!), my other family. I don’t get to spend as much time as I wish with you guys, but you’re always there for me and you take care of me. See you guys soon again, love you!

My colleagues, Jonna, Elise, Anne and Rudolf. You guys are not just my colleagues, but also my friends. You’re a few out of a bunch there in the cinema who are always there for me, and you guys each rock my world in different ways. You deserve to be mentioned, because I hope we can remain friends for a long time.

Kyra, oh Kyra… We have our struggles every now and again, and I really think you need to open up your eyes a little more for the world around you. You should realize I care about you, and not just because Harley is your best friend. Now get up, shape up, and be the best damn Kyra you can be.

Now there’s plenty more significant people in my life, and I don’t want anyone to feel like I don’t think you’re not important to me because I didn’t mention you. But these few above here need a special mention.
I try to be there for everyone as good as I can. Don’t be discouraged by my depression or anything, because I am always open about everything. I’m on my best when I’m around other people.

With that, I want to close off for this year, and welcome in the new. I want to wish everyone a good New Year, face your fears and live your dreams! 2012, we’re coming for you!

Take care and cheers!

- Florian

What do you do?

What do you do when someone isn’t listening to you?

This blog is slightly aimed at someone (who will not be mentioned), who might not even read this. But it’s important that I get this off my chest, because it’s been bugging me.

Over the past few months I’ve been worried about a certain person. I’ve done nearly everything I can do to keep my foot in the door and try to help them, or at least reach out to them so they know that I care and that I’m there for them.

Now, this person hasn’t really been listening, or keeping to their promises. This is rather unfortunate, as this is someone I deal with a few days out of the week.

So what am I to do? I can’t seem to get through to this person. The unfortunate thing is that I don’t even live very close to them, so I can’t easily go over to their place and physically sit them down and be like: HEY! LISTEN TO ME!

So, here I’m going to say a few things to you, and I hope you’ll take them to heart. Because I’m starting to take it personal that you’re not listening to me, because I thought I was someone in your life who mattered at least a little bit. It makes me sad to see what’s happening to you.

You’re on a downward spiral, and I know it and I know what it’s like. If anything, I have had or still have a lot of the same feelings you’re experiencing. I’ve tried to make this clear to you, that because of this I am a rather suitable person to talk to about your issues, because I understand and I know how to deal with that kind of shit. Because despite that I am not seeing a therapist right now, I have in the past and I know lots of ways to deal with issues that you’re dealing with too. You know that I have advice for you and that I want to share it.

You’re running away from the things in your life that you’re scared of, and that you’re obligated to do. You’re letting your friends down, and some of them are hurt, and disappointed, and really just wish that you’d open your eyes and see that the whole world doesn’t revolve around you. In the harshest way: you’re selfish and if you don’t get everything your way, then there is no way. Life is about working together with the people around you, and making compromises. Even if something doesn’t go exactly your way, there’s a lot to be gained from it. You should really consider the people around you.

There’s no shame in asking for help. You just cower away and bottle things up inside you until you burst and in a rage start flailing around you. Well stop flailing. I’ve said this before. Instead, start packing some punches. Work on your defenses. Work on your skills. Work on your social life. Work on climbing out of that dark gaping hole that you’re in. You’re already low enough; it’s time to get on top of everything again. There are people around you who want to help. Open your eyes!

Chaos in your house brings chaos in your mind. You don’t need the discipline of a marine to keep your house in a decent state. And again, there are people around you who want to help. Open your eyes!

You’re oblivious to everything that seems to happen around you, and you don’t realize you’re hurting people. So basically: OPEN YOUR EYES!

It’s not difficult to be social, and I know you were perfectly capable to socially interact with me before. What has changed?

I’m sorry if this isn’t interesting to all my other readers. But if you know of a way to be able to draw attention from someone who isn’t listening… let me know.
Because I don’t want to do anything drastic that could damage my friendship with this person even more.

Thanks for listening.

- Flo

Rats!

There’s something else I haven’t even posted about, and I am deeply ashamed I haven’t! So that’s why I’m quickly writing this up. I know most of you already know all of this, but this is also for myself.

My two girls, Socks (left) and Oreo (right).
I got my little rats on the 13th of October, which means I’ve had them for about a month now. They’re about 11 weeks old now, and so much fun.
I decided to get myself some pets, as I was missing having a pet in my life and my room gets rather lonely sometimes.

So, I’ve been taking care of these little ones! I can’t tell you how much I love them already.

It’s Good to Be a Big Kid

A lot of things have been happening in my life lately, and I feel I’ve been way too busy
to keep up with my own things. School and work have been crazy, and there’s
always depression to keep in the back of my head. It occupies me from day to
day, sometimes it’s worse than other days, most often it doesn’t bother me as
much.

When you suffer from depression, you really try to figure out how to make
yourself happy again, if only for a little while. Seeing as there’s no magical
cure, you have to figure out how to deal with it. This is no easy task, and
that is why so many people suffer from depression.

But, on a brighter note, from time to time I manage to find myself something to
do to keep me busy on those days that I really don’t want to do anything.

Homework is looming over my shoulder, and yet I can’t push myself to do
anything. My house is a mess, I’ve not properly eaten in about a week, and I’m
lacking sleep. This is the curse of depression.

So I go out and buy myself a new toy today.

Call it childish, call it immature, but I don’t care.

I remember when I was a kid I always thought grownups were boring. Now that I’m
getting a little older and bigger, I refuse to let go of the child within me. I
enjoy my games, I enjoy my hobbies, and I enjoy collecting silly stuff way too
much. Why do people let go of their childhood when they grow up? Personally, I
think it’s so much better to stay connected with whatever we enjoyed back then,
so as to entertain ourselves during those dark hours when we get older.

So I got myself a Nerf gun today. It’s basically a big, clunky, toy gun that
shoots darts. It’s all bright-colored, and I will repaint it to look cool and
badass. I’ve been shooting it around my room today. It’s all part of a project
I’ve thought of again. There’s been quite a few projects popping up in my head
lately, and I’ll be honest, I can’t find the time for it (nor the money, I’ll
be honest). As I’m still trying to diligently save up for next year’s summer,
and likely need to save up much more for a new computer/laptop and my upcoming
school trip to England.

I also don’t understand why people let go of their former heroes. I stood along
the water in Utrecht today with a friend, and we watched Sinterklaas coming by
on a boat. I loved it! It was quite random (we didn’t really expect it). But I
don’t understand why people give up on things like that. I still love and enjoy
so many heroes from my past. And why not, really?

Stop being such boring adults.

Cheers,

- Flo

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